Sunday, August 7, 2011

Dude's View - 4 Days Late, but only YOU'RE Counting!

Today is August 6th and my wife and I are currently players in the waiting game. We heard all the brilliant statisticians tell us that first babies are usually late, but we took it with a grain of salt because we also heard she was carrying high, carrying low, her belly was round so it was a girl, she looked great so it was definitely a boy. You name it, we heard it. Statistics are funny because you always have a chance of looking like a genius if you were just lucky (see your office NCAA pool that is always won by someone who never watches a game) but in this case the statisticians (if that’s what they should be called) were correct with us. Sounds like a normal blog right now and you’re probably saying, what happened to that obnoxious guy that used to write Dude’s View? Did an angry reader dispose of him?

Nope. Here goes. Like I said about 200 words ago, my wife and I are waiting for our first child who was due Aug 2ND and boy (no pun intended) are we dealing with pure idiocy from every direction. My wife who actually feels fabulous (seriously) has only one complaint – people are driving her crazy and upsetting her. Shame on them. First, we have people who shoot us the “Soooooooooo?” text or email. Then there’s the “What’s up?”, which is out of left field and quite obvious. So if you sent that one, we’re on to you. Then there’s the consistent phone harassment from family, friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends. Get the point? Everyone seems to want to know where the baby is and then gives a judgy sigh (please check your sighs when you hit dial) or a response of disbelief as if we've done something wrong. Now let me set the record straight.

Due dates are not exact. In fact, something like 5% of babies arrive on their actual due date. Three weeks early to two weeks late is considered totally normal. No one freaks out when you deliver several days before that date, so why the panic attacks from everyone after? Second, when someone has a baby, they’ll find you to let you know. If they don’t let you know, odds are – they didn’t want you to. In our case, we might be sharing the greatest event of our lives right now with one another. I know, it sounds crazy that we want to enjoy it with one another and don’t want to post the video of her pushing on Facebook for all our ACQUAINTANCES to see (if there was a video, which my wife wants me to point out – there won’t be). We’re going leave that Facebook love for birthday wishes from the kid we traded Garbage Pail Kid cards with in 2nd grade. Second, and God forbid, we might be dealing with some type of complication that is more important than letting you know that we had the baby. Third, and simply, we might just not like you or in my wife’s case – decided you annoyed us so much that spitefully she won’t allow me to let you know when he does arrive. Those pregnant ladies can be mean!

Now while we understand that some people might be asking because they want to send a gift, consistently asking the people will definitely overshadow your generosity. If it's because you want to go to the hospital to visit - From speaking with customers over the last few months, I can assure you that isn't a good idea. It's best to be invited by the new parents. If you aren't specifically invited, don't pop in. One new mom even told me she sent the baby to the nursery and faked sleeping to get rid of unwanted guests. Ouch. Some people understandably just want to wait until their home for visitors and if they haven't requested your presence - don't make it awkward.

Soooooooooooo, (yea I’m being fresh now) I leave you all with this. If we had the baby and you haven’t been notified keep refreshing your Facebook feed…for a long long time.

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